When did you decide you were straight?
Was there a moment in your life that caused you to want go live the life of a heterosexual? Were you an 8-year old girl with a best friend who dropped you for a more popular girl in school? Did you say to yourself "I'll show her! When I grow up, I'll get married to someone who looks like my dad"? Or were you a 7-year old boy who fought with your best friend about who got to be the pitcher in a baseball game? You went away and pouted, vowing to find a wife when you were old enough. Were you thinking about being gay, but then you had a crush on your new heterosexual teacher? Or maybe a happy heterosexual couple moved next door to your family, and you said "I want to be straight....just like them".
Do you remember when you made that decision?
You never decided? You were always that way? You always knew you were who you were? Is that what you're telling me? Well, every gay person I know has told me the same about themselves......they were always that way.....they just always knew.
Why would someone deliberately choose a life that generates so much scorn from people? (I'm sure there are some who do, but I think that's uncommon.) Many gays I know have tried living as a straight person, and even wished they were straight. But they can't, any more than I can suddenly become gay. I think we are just born that way.
One of the most compelling books I've read on this subject is called As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl, by John Colapinto. It's a true story about identical twin boys, Brian and Bruce Reimer, who were born in Canada in 1965. A botched circumcision on Bruce resulted in a decision to physically change him into a girl, who they named Brenda. A psychiatrist named Dr. Money used Brenda as an experiment, trying to prove that sexuality was a result of nurture, not nature. But it didn't work. Brenda always felt different, and never felt like a girl. In 1980, Brenda was told the truth, and is now living the life of a man. It's a sad story about Brenda's struggle to fit in, always knowing that she was different. And it's a disturbing story about how the adults tried to make Bruce/Brenda live the life they wanted him to live.
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Being Gay is a preference no more than liking chocolate. You're born with it. I find it absurd that scientists try to find the "gay" gene as if it is something that can be fixed. Is being gay a disease? I'm sure scientists can locate the gene for liking chocolate, but we don't consider liking chocolate a disease!
ReplyDeleteOur accountant was here a couple of evenings ago and we got onto the Gay marriage topic. He explained that he has nothing against gays, but that the word marriage does not incorporate two people of the same sex. While I understand that argument, is it worth the argument? If he has nothing against gays then why should he care if the word is redefined. If you look back at the roots of the word I am sure that it was initially meant to be between a man and a woman, but meanings can change and so should the meaning or marriage. Life is not static and we should always be open to change...especially changes that are for the better!
That is a very disturbing story!
ReplyDeleteI previously lived in San Francisco for several years. Living and working there it was impossible not to have gay friends. All of my gay friends seemed to have known they were always gay. We didn't really discuss their way of lives much, nor my way of life, but just accepted each other for the individuals that we were. Some of these friends had friends who were gay couples with children. These children seemed so well adjusted and "normal". However my disturbing story revolves around a lesbian co-worker which I did NOT consider a friend. While she was living straight she had a child, a girl. She made no secret that she was a man hater. She also made no secret that she and her current partner would be raising the little girl to be a lesbian. This was about 29 years ago and I still wonder about that little girl. How much did her mother mess up her life trying to make her something she wanted her to be. It's sometimes hard to accept the people in your life as they are, but you will usually find that it is really alot easier to accept them.
The point is that we need to accept our children for who they are and want to be. I am an atheist, but I think it is important to expose my children to religion so they can make up their own minds...that is, when and if I will have children. They're slightly expensive!
ReplyDeleteThe idea of discovering a "gay gene" is to prove that it is a biological trait, not to define it as something that can be cured.
ReplyDeleteFIVE....that just goes to show you that bad parenting has no boundaries.
ReplyDeleteI guess I should have pointed out that I wasn't blaming the parents. They were poor and uneducated. They followed the advice of doctors and phychiatrists, whom they trusted. It turns out that they didn't have the child's best interest at heart. It's a moving book. I highly recomment it. (Of course, I love non-fiction, and books about the 'abnormal').
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